My Pleasure is not Shameful

I love sex.

I love engaging in sexual acts, I love talking about it, I love educating others on sex and everything to do with it. It’s not just me being super horny (although it happens). I’m fascinated by sex, even more so when I learn something new that we should have been taught in school or by our parents, or when I tell someone else something that they don’t know.

Did you know that sperm can live inside of you for 5-8 days? Meaning you can get pregnant days after actually having sex.

Being hydrated leads to better orgasms.

Period sex has lots of benefits, including helping cramps.

75% of women don’t orgasm through penetration alone.

I love talking about and being open about sex because it helps myself and others learn more about ourselves and our bodies. I talk about it because I feel comfortable to do so, and I want others to be able to engage in the conversation without shame or stigma surrounding those topics.

As I said, I’ve been like this for a while. I’ve been exploring my own sexuality, desires, likes and dislikes since I was a teenager. As most people do. I wouldn’t say that I was bullied in school or college, but when I look back on certain experiences now, I can confidently say that I experienced what we refer to as ‘slut-shaming’.

A particular incident that has stuck with me happened in college, when I was around 17 years old. I was sat in the common room during a free period with a group of my friends at the time – all guys. The conversation moved to sex, and I engaged in the topic just as they all were. I spoke about experiences I had, answered questions they asked (being the only girl present at the time, they seemed curious to hear what I had to say). After the conversion, we all went about our day as normal.

That evening, I got a message from one of the guys at college. He wanted to let me know that after I had left the room, the other guys immediately began making fun of me and shaming me for being so willing to talk about sex. They thought it was weird, attention-seeking, gross, unladylike. I was shocked, because at the time none of them seemed to have an issue, and I was only talking about the same things they were, just from a female perspective.

That was a few years ago now, but even then I remember thinking, ‘Are we really still holding on to these double-standards?’. It made me question myself, and if I should dial it back with what I say around others. But nothing I had said was offensive, and no one was uncomfortable to my knowledge. Which begs the question…

Is talking about my experiences and pleasure only acceptable if I have a penis in between my legs?

If this is how we act towards women when they voice their opinions, likes and dislikes around sex, then no wonder there’s an orgasm gap. Women are shamed into not expressing their sexual needs because it’s not seen as socially acceptable – even if they do, are they even being listened to? How are our partners meant to know how to bring us pleasure if the stigma around embracing our sexual desires prevents us from telling them what we want?

I love sex. I’m never going to stop encouraging conversations about it, because they’re important conversations to have. I hope you’ll join me in them.

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